Rob & Alice

February 2011 archive

WTF The Nest?

I signed up for one of the most suggested wedding websites last year as I planned for our big day.  I actually found most of those sites somewhat annoying, but there were a few that actually had some good suggestions, great links and interesting articles.  Needless to say, I was prodded by some of my recently married friends to sign up for The Nest.  So, I got an account.

I was disturbed this week when I got my newsletter/email from them that was titled, “Tops Signs You Spouse Is Lying.”  WTF?  First, you wanted me to pick the most amazing dress that would flatter any figure.  Then, you wanted me to pick bridesmaids dresses that would make my friend’s look hot, but me hotter. Next, I got to scroll though picture gardens for the perfect wedding flowers. And now, you want me to dissect my husband and prove that the whole thing was a sham that I married a liar. After reading the article, I have come to the conclusion that the writers must have consulted with the ever accurate psychology experts from CSI:Weddings.

See below:

1.  Covering the mouth while talking.  Umm…is he chewing food, does he have bad breath, yawning perhaps?  Regardless of the reason, not sure that this would tip me off that my spouse has just lied to me. Or, that it should. Maybe I am naive.

2.  Touching the nose.  It mentions in this “tell-tale” sign that allergies are not a good excuse.  Have you lived in Mississippi?  We have a pollen count of 1,000 on ice days!  And, does picking your nose count?  Rob is screwed if it does.

3.  Rubbing an eye.  Last night while Rob and I were getting ready for bed, I saw him wipe his eye.  He then looked away and closed his eyes.  I CAN’T BELIEVE IT….HE LIED WHEN HE SAID GOOD NIGHT!

4.  Rub of the ear.  I got nothing for this.  Oh wait, just stupid.

5.  Going for the neck.  Often, Rob rubs his neck. It is usually at the end of the day, when he is tired.  Then, he goes in and sits in the Sharper Image massage chair and relaxes.  Or, maybe he is really sitting in there plotting his next scheme.

6.  Shaking the head no while saying yes.  Rob can’t do that.  Nor can he pat his head and rub his tummy.  Just saying.

So, this everything you need to know about getting married website has now become the everything you need to know about getting divorced website.  This article has gone out to tons of blushing brides that are now freaking out every time their husbands touch an ear, eye or neck.  Don’t scratch your balls either men, who knows what that means.  When the poor guys shake their heads, these young woman are writing it down. BEWARE!!  Don’t cover your mouth. NO MATTER WHAT!!

Why is the divorce rate so high in America?  Read the article.  Congratulations, The Nest.

Alice is Sick :(

I got the txt message around 12pm today while I was in a meeting. I saw a couple of missed calls too. I knew something was up. Turns out Alice has come down with the flu. It’s been going around – her mom had it, her brother has it, lots of kids at Chance’s school have it. Yick!

I did the super husband thing and came right home, whipped up dinner and had the kitchen clean within an hour of me leaving work. Booyah!

Feel better Al.